I remember it like it was yesterday.
The clock on the wall showed 5:35 PM, and I was frantically trying to finish “just one more thing” before dashing out to catch the 6:19 PM train from Grand Central Station.
It was a familiar scene, one that had played out countless times before. There was always another email to answer, another problem to solve, another task that couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow. Or so I believed.
But that evening was different.
As I rushed to finish my work, a wave of dizziness washed over me. Suddenly, I felt weak. So weak that I didn’t dare get up from my chair. For a moment, I might pass out right there at my desk. I managed to call out to a coworker and asked her to stay with me, just in case.
I was frightened. My body was telling me something I had been too busy to hear.
That evening, instead of my usual brisk walk to Grand Central Station, my colleague gently walked me there. I missed my regular train and ended up on the 8:09 PM local train to Rye.
I remember sitting on that train, tears streaming down my face. My children were at home, probably already asleep. The sitter had to leave at 8 PM. My children were alone, and I was sitting on a slow train, barely able to stand.
I had spent the day taking care of everything that needed my attention, except the people and the body that needed me most.
And the most painful realization was that I had allowed this to become normal.
That evening was a wake-up call. It forced me to look at my life, my priorities, and the beliefs that had made me think that being responsible meant always being available, always doing more, and never disappointing anyone. But I snoozed that call more times than I care to admit.
Today, after more than 37 years in the corporate world and years of teaching women about self-trust, mindfulness, and emotional well-being, I understand something I couldn’t see clearly that evening.
Many women are not exhausted because they lack strength. They are exhausted because they have been using their strength without allowing themselves to recover. And sometimes, the very qualities that make us successful (our determination, generosity, sense of responsibility, and desire to do things well) become the qualities that quietly drain our spirit.
If you recognize yourself in my story, I want to share seven truths that may help you reconsider how you are living.
1. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish. Self-Abandonment Isn’t a Virtue.
Women are extraordinarily good at taking care of others. We remember birthdays, appointments, deadlines, groceries, school activities, and the little things that make everyone else’s lives run smoothly.
We can recognize when our children are tired, when our partners are stressed, or when a coworker needs help. But how often do we recognize our own needs with the same attention?
We postpone lunch because something needs to be finished. We sacrifice sleep because someone needs us. We ignore our bodies because we have too much to do. And we call it responsibility.
I used to believe that taking care of myself was something I could do after everything else was finished. The problem is that everything else is never finished. There will always be another responsibility, another request, another person who needs something.
Self-care is not what you do when you have time left over. It is what allows you to have a life worth living.
You don’t have to earn the right to rest. And you certainly don’t have to become sick before giving yourself permission to slow down.
2. Boundaries Are Not Walls. They Are Acts of Self-Respect.
For many years, I believed that being a good leader meant being available, solving problems, and making sure everything was done. If someone needed something, I found a way. If a problem appeared at 5 PM, I stayed until it was resolved. I thought I was demonstrating commitment. And perhaps I was. But I was also teaching people that my time had no boundaries.
We often think boundaries are something we establish to control how other people treat us. But some of the most important boundaries are the ones we establish with ourselves.
The decision not to answer another email. The willingness to leave a task unfinished. The courage to say, “I can’t do that today.” And perhaps the most difficult one: allowing someone to be disappointed without immediately rushing to make them feel better.
This week, at my women’s coffee group, two of the women asked for advice on setting boundaries and saying no to people they love. It’s a real thing, even for well-accomplished women.
Remember, saying no to something that depletes you creates space to say yes to something that nourishes you. A boundary is not a rejection of others. Sometimes, it is the first genuine expression of respect for yourself.
3. Perfectionism is a Form of Self-Sabotage.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things well. Excellence is a beautiful quality. But perfectionism is something else.
Perfectionism whispers that what you have done is not enough. That you should check one more time, improve one more detail, answer one more message. It convinces you that the next task will finally bring the satisfaction you are looking for. Except that satisfaction rarely arrives.
I was trying to finish “just one more thing” when my body began to shut down. Looking back, I wonder how many of those supposedly urgent tasks were truly necessary. Would the company have collapsed if I had left at 5:30? Of course not. Would someone have been disappointed? Perhaps. But disappointment is not a catastrophe.
Sometimes, perfectionism disguises itself as professionalism when, underneath, it is our fear of criticism, failure, or not being good enough. Here is a question worth asking:
Am I doing this because it truly matters, or because I am afraid of what someone might think if I don’t?
The answer may surprise you.
4. Success Means Very Little If You Are the Missing Person in Your Own Life.
That evening on the train, I wasn’t thinking about my career achievements. I wasn’t thinking about my salary, my title, or the projects I had completed. I was thinking about my children. I wanted to be home. I wanted to know they were safe. I wanted to be there to kiss them goodnight.
There is nothing wrong with ambition. I believe women should pursue their dreams, develop their talents, earn good money, and enjoy the satisfaction of meaningful work. But success becomes very expensive when we pay for it with our health, relationships, and peace of mind. And this applies beyond our careers.
Some women exhaust themselves trying to be the perfect mothers. Others are constantly rescuing family members, maintaining relationships, or meeting expectations they never consciously agreed to.
We can become so busy fulfilling our roles that we forget the woman underneath them. The woman who loves to read. The woman who enjoys music, a walk in nature, a quiet cup of coffee, or an afternoon with no agenda. The woman who once had dreams that didn’t involve taking care of everyone else.
A successful life should include the person who is living it. Otherwise, what exactly are we working so hard to achieve?
5. Rest Is Not a Reward. It Is Part of Living Well.
We live in a world that celebrates productivity. We admire people who wake up at 5 AM, manage demanding careers, exercise, raise families, maintain beautiful homes, and somehow find time to volunteer. But we rarely ask what it costs them.
Many women have learned to measure the value of a day by how much they accomplished. A day filled with activity feels productive. A quiet afternoon can feel like wasted time. Yet nature teaches us something different.
Trees do not produce fruit every day of the year. The earth has seasons of growth and seasons of rest. Even the sun sets. Why do we expect our bodies and minds to operate without interruption?
Rest is not the opposite of accomplishment. It is part of the rhythm that makes meaningful accomplishment possible. And rest doesn’t always mean sleeping. Sometimes it means sitting quietly without reaching for your phone. Perhaps it means declining an invitation and enjoying your lunch without multitasking. And sometimes it means allowing yourself to do absolutely nothing without having to explain or justify it.
If you are living through the intensity of 2026, the Year of the Fire Horse, consider this an invitation to stop feeding every fire that demands your attention.
You do not need to match the speed of everything happening around you.
6. Asking for Help Is a Sign of Wisdom, Not Weakness.
One of the most exhausting beliefs women carry is that we should be able to do everything ourselves. We take pride in being dependable. We become the person everyone calls when something goes wrong. And after a while, people stop asking whether we can help. They assume we will. But being capable of doing something doesn’t mean you should always be the one doing it. That is a lesson I learned both as a mother and as a leader.
Delegation is not simply a way to become more productive. It is an acknowledgment that your energy is valuable and that other people are capable of contributing.
When we insist on doing everything ourselves, we may unintentionally prevent others from developing their own skills and sense of responsibility. Your children can learn to help.
A few weeks ago, I apologized to my adult children for not letting them help cook pancakes. My grandchildren slept over, and on Sunday morning I let them help flip the pancakes. Back then, I was always pressed for time, rushing through life, saving five minutes on the pancakes.
Look at your responsibilities today and ask yourself:
What am I doing that someone else could do? What am I carrying that doesn’t belong to me? And what would happen if I stopped doing it?
7. Your Health Is Your Greatest Wealth.
We spend years building careers, saving money, creating homes, and planning for the future. But how much attention do we give to the body that must carry us into that future?
My frightening experience at the office reminded me that my body had limits, whether I respected them or not. And those limits were not a sign of weakness. They were information.
Our bodies communicate with us constantly. Through fatigue, tension, discomfort, restless sleep, and changes in our energy. Not every symptom is caused by stress, and persistent or concerning symptoms deserve medical attention. But it is also important to notice when our daily habits are leaving us depleted.
We cannot continually withdraw energy without making deposits. We need nourishing food, movement, sleep, meaningful relationships, moments of joy, and time to recover. We also need something that is often overlooked: permission to enjoy our lives before everything is perfect.
Life is happening now. Not after the next promotion. Not after the children grow up. Not after the mortgage is paid. Not after you finish everything on your list. Now.
Before You Go Back to Your Busy Life…
I want to invite you to do something today, not tomorrow or next week.
Find a quiet place and ask yourself three questions:
- What am I doing out of obligation that is quietly draining my energy?
- Where have I confused being needed with being valued?
- What is one thing I can stop doing this week to make room for my own well-being?
You don’t need to transform your entire life overnight. Begin with one decision. You can leave work on time, take your lunch break, ask for help, say no to an invitation you don’t want to accept, or go to bed without finishing everything.
And when guilt arises, as it often does when we begin to change old habits, remind yourself that you are not abandoning your responsibilities. You are learning to include yourself among them.
That evening on the train to Rye was the beginning of the path that changed the way I looked at my life. I had spent so much time trying to be a good employee, a good leader, and a good mother that I had forgotten to ask whether I was being good to myself.
Perhaps you have been doing the same. If so, I hope you don’t have to experience a frightening wake-up call to make a change. Your worth is not measured by how much you accomplish, how many people depend on you, or how exhausted you feel at the end of the day. You are more than what you do for others.
You are a whole person with dreams, needs, talents, and a life that deserves your attention. And perhaps the greatest success is not reaching the top of the mountain exhausted, only to discover that you missed the beauty of the journey.
Perhaps success is having the wisdom to recognize when to climb, when to rest, and when to simply sit down and enjoy the view.
The world will always have something else for you to do. But your life is waiting for you to live it.
With love and wisdom,
Ana Barreto
If this article speaks to you, I invite you to explore my book Self-Trust: A Healing Practice for Women Who Do Too Much, where I share insights and practices to help women reconnect with themselves, establish healthier boundaries, and create lives that support their well-being. Available in ebook, paperback, and audiobook.
And if you know a woman who is carrying too much, please share this article with her. Sometimes, one gentle reminder arrives exactly when we need it.
