If The Door Doesn’t Open, Then It’s Not Your Door
“Knock on the door multiple times,” said Grandma Celia. The words seemed to be coming out of the blue because she doesn’t hear well.
We looked at each other with a puzzled expression because we didn’t think she was paying attention to our conversation about work.
“You always knock on every door multiple times, or you don’t really care much for what you’re asking” – Grandma Celia continued as she poured reheated morning coffee in front of us that needed extra sugar to go down.
She is not our grandmother, but everyone calls her Grandma. She is a 5’4 foot tall, has beautiful silver-gray hair that she keeps on a bun, and often she loses it to show off her secrets for stronger hair: olive oil and egg yolk treatment. Today she is dressed in a flower print dress she made herself.
Celia makes the best oatmeal cookies which she refuses to share her recipe so we can keep coming for more visits. My friend and I live next door, and today we needed our sugar fix.
I asked her:
“How do I know this is my door?”
“You don’t know but knock anyway.”
“What if the door doesn’t open.”
“Then it’s not your door,” she said.
“Wait. How about the saying” don’t give up! Don’t stop 3 feet from gold and all that?”
Grandma Celia paused, pulled a chair next to mine, looked me in the eye, and said:
“Fia, (she called everyone that, which is an abbreviation for daughter in Portuguese). Too many times, we don’t know what we really want in life. We think we know, but we don’t. We focus on the oatmeal cookie but what we really want is the afternoon coffee and conversation. Don’t go for the cookie.
We think we want the guy, but we want to be happy in a relationship. The man we want or have is not right for us. And we keep knocking on that door hoping something will change.
Or we think we want a promotion to make more money but we what we really want is to be happy with our work. Many times the career or job we have to make us miserable.
You, young people, make too much trouble out of nothing. I say, knock a few times, and if the door doesn’t open, then it’s not your door.
After you have been at for a little while, you got to see that this is not your door. You don’t have to be a scientist. It’s not about giving up, but about surrendering.”
“Then why would I knock on any door twice? ” I asked
“Don’t be afraid of knocking on the doors of your dreams. But before you try to kick the door down and huff and puff, check within your heart.
There is another door for you, but you can’t see it because you are consumed with rage, disappointment, and discouragement.
Just let it go.”
“How many times should I knock then? And how do you know? I tested her.
“You will know. If it’s your door you will have the impulse to come back, you will wake up in the morning thinking about it, you will go to sleep with the damn door in your hair until one day the door opens effortless because you stopped trying. I’ve tried to knock doors down in my time until I learn to wash these damn things out my hair.”
But what if I wake up thinking about the guy, and that guy is not right for me?
You will know that this is not your door when you feel anxiety around it. Our inner voice whispers “let him go.” You may refuse to hear it, but this is your choice.
Our doors will always open to us. It’s like we are the only one with the special key. It may not have opened at the first knock because you were not sure of what you wanted. Remember, your heart knows your door.
Have a cookie.