I have an oyster to offer you; plain on the outside, luminous within. Whether or not you have children, pets, or a “baby” project, life will eventually invite you to open it and find the pearl: “You are becoming your own mother.” Not becoming like the mother who raised you, but becoming the person who will nurture you like a mother is called to do. Off course you can refuse it, but I don’t advise.
I remember the moment I cracked mine open. It was both humbling and empowering. I didn’t want to be like my mother, and I didn’t want to mother myself as I mothered my children, my projects, and the few fishes, one of them committed suicide.
Over-vigilant, that’s the word that came to mind when I learned the wisdom of the first energy center, the root chakra. I was the type of mother who didn’t allow risks, deviations, undiscipline, the one who policed who walked with shoes on the white rug, and all the other words that came with someone who didn’t want to fail, and disappoint all the people who depended on me.
Think back about your teenage years. They were likely a warm-up, learning independence, testing boundaries, and figuring out what you needed to thrive. As you enter your 20’s, life is calls you to take that practice deeper. In your 30’s, you need to step into the role and be the steady, loving, and protective presence you most need in your own life. This is true whether or not you have a wonderful mother in the picture. And if you’re older, the call doesn’t fade; it becomes a responsibility to make sure you’re receiving the love, care, and nurturing you deserve. You will be cornered until you honor yourself as a mother.
The most basic foundation every woman must have is the Power of Nurturing. I describe in my book The Nine Powers of Women. This is where we tap into our mothering abilities, whether we have children or not. It’s about being loving, caring, and attentive to ourselves first, and then extending that energy outward to others. It’s about creating an inner sense of safety, offering stability, and drawing on the wisdom of our female ancestors, who most likely didn’t care for themselves as we are called to do today, but they can provide spiritual advice. Best of all, we stop complaining about our mothers because it’s our role now.
I recently got a message from a woman who is battling with her own worthiness and losing when she wants to acknowledge parts of herself that must exist beyond depression, self-loathing, and disgust. That’s when good self-mothering comes in to heal parts of ourselves that feel unloved and meet our unmet needs.
The first question I asked myself, “Am I giving myself the same care, love, and protection I offer everyone else?” That question changed how I live, and I believe it might change something in you, too.
We often learn how to “mother” by watching our mothers, yet there’s no official instruction manual. Our mothers learned to be mothers by mothering us on the fly, a type of sink or swim. And if you are alive today, they have passed the test even if you graded their life work with an D- or F.
Our caregiving instincts come from a mix of lived experience and the deep imprints passed down through generations. These imprints live in our DNA, carrying the strengths (and sometimes the wounds) of those who came before us.
That means two things:
1) If you grew up surrounded by nurturing love, you have a rich model to draw from.
2) If you didn’t, you have the chance now to reparent yourself to become the mother you always wanted or needed.
Here’s your invitation: begin to notice the ways you can show up for yourself as a mother would. The main exercise is simple. Ask yourself daily: What would I, as a mother, advise me, the child?
I used to delay drinking water, going to the bathroom, eating lunch, or going to bed to complete one more task. But when I began acting as my mother, I would ask myself, What would a good mother advise me to do? And I was able to choose to honor myself over trivial things effortlessly.
Here is what I invite you to consider: Be that mother who makes a big deal about a B- test, who frames the drawing of a picture of a house that has no roof, who runs to you and holds you tight when you just scraped your knees on the stairs.
How?
Speak gently to yourself. Give yourself big breaks. Tend to your needs before they become urgent. Celebrate your little wins, notice your program, comfort yourself in losses, and give yourself permission to rest.
Key Points to Remember
– Motherhood is a role you play for yourself first, regardless of whether you have children.
– The Power of Nurturing means creating safety, stability, and warmth within your own life.
– You inherit mothering patterns, good and bad, from previous generations and you can change them.
– If your upbringing lacked nurturing, you can learn and practice self-nurturing now.
– Self-nurturing is the foundation for how you care for others.
No matter your age or life stage, the journey of becoming your own mother is one of the most sacred and empowering paths you can walk. It’s where self-compassion meets inner strength, and where you learn that the most enduring love you’ll ever receive can come from within.
💛 Listen to Chapter One of The Nine Powers of Women → Click here to listen to the audio sample.
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