Why People Create Pain

There are no mistakes in life.  I believe it to be true.  What we call mistakes are the choices we are able to make given the level of consciousness we have at that time.  I believe that we create our world and lately, science has the proof.

I didn’t always believe this. In childhood, I was a Catholic, Sunday church going young girls who did confession and took communion.  Those days, everything “bad” that happened to people were the wrath of God.

woman in church

In my 20’s, I read and re-read the book “Why bad things happened to good people” by Rabbi Kushner.  Kushner’s answer to misfortunes was “It’s random acts of God.”  It was better explained than the religious teaching I learned in Catechism. Imagine a Powerful God seating on His throne and throwing darts at the humanity randomly and I just happened to catch one.

This is not the GOD I become to know.  There is a Power greater than us that wants the wellness of all and had given free will to humanity.  The good, the bad and the ugly in our lives are created by our own will, most of the time unconsciously.

I repeat it.  There are no mistakes in life.  When we lack self-awareness, we lose the opportunity to overcome and grow. And growth is a must.


There are three reasons why people create pain in their lives:

  1. It brings some pleasure
  2. It fulfills the need to self-punish
  3. It forces us to grow

Some people get rewards when bad things happen.  They create chaos so they can rescue, solve, receive attention and feel useful.  You will know them because they create drama and then apologize.  They create pain and then do something extra sweet.

Some people lack self-steam and will sabotage their lives to fulfill the need to be punished.  You will recognize them because they are always complaining about everything and everyone.  They have a list of all misfortunes that had happened to them, most of them are embellished to add another pinch of suffering. Their life is a long string of calamity after calamity.  We feel bad for them because even if it is not true, they experience it that way.     They are the vampires of the universe, even though they don’t intend to be. They look to receive pity and attention.  happy womenToday, I invite you to consider and experience a new approach to pain.  What if what you call “the pain” happening in your life was not created by force outside you, but by you to force you to grow?  What if the bigger part of you created the pain to make you stop and recalculate the route just like the GPS does when we are off course?  Life is never balanced, that is a fact.  We don’t want it to be constant. That’s the juice of living.   The understanding that pain helps you to know what you don’t want and therefore you learn what you want.

We are always growing.  People are ever evolving.  Even if you don’t feel or notice it, you are always changing.  Nothing stays still.  When we refuse to change and grow, life will push you forward.  When it does, it is never gentle.

We don’t have to grow and change with a vengeance.


There is a better way.  Start by surrendering to the pain and embrace the change that comes with that.  If you resist, you will be pushed in time.  The longer you resist, the stronger is the push.

I don’t know about you, but I would prefer to change and grow more gently. Next time something undesired happens, take the opportunity and leap forward.  Your better self is waiting.meditation

Practice this simple suggestion, and you will improve the energy of your life. If you need help surrendering, visit my Meditations page and listen to the “Willow Meditation” to help you let go of the pain in your life. Also, read the book by Louise Hay “You Can Heal Your Life,” it changed the way I understand pain and diseases.


♥        ♥         ♥       ♥       ♥        ♥         ♥

If you like this article, please “like”, “share” it, and leave a comment below to share your thoughts. Also visit the HOME page to get more insights into women’s life balance, relationships, spirituality, and leadership.  Also, like my facebook page and join the Mind, Body and Wisdom Group bmwisdom


One Reply to “Why People Create Pain”

  1. Lubin Lukes says:

    I think that to damn all those who have troubled lives as vampires is victim blaming. Studies show us, for example, that those who have experienced certain childhood abuses are statistically more likely to be victim of later abuses. It’s easy to say ‘they choose it’ without looking at societal influences and impact of upbringing and lack of support. It also suggests that people aren’t victim to abuse or choose the awful things that happen to them. We are increasingly aware that this attitude is central , for example, to rape culture and perpetuates the situation for victims of both genders and non binary people.

    There are ALWAYS things we can do to help ourselves, whether we are at the top of our game or struggling. We can always review, look inwards, do better. We cannot always evade being victims of circumstance or crime or so on. Only work with it.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: