In June 2013, my mother’s life altered the life of her six children when she crossed the street to catch a bus on one of the busiest streets in Rio de Janeiro without looking. She was 79 years old, and a taxi cab knocked her out like Muhammad Ali vs. Liston fight in 1965.
When I told the story to my American friends, and they learned that she survived the cab and three surgeries, they believed she would be set for life. But it couldn’t be furthest from the truth. She lost her independence, home, and the fight to not live with her children.
Mon didn’t want to live with her children despite the number of attempts by four of her six children. My mother had never truly had a space of her own. She went from her parent’s house to my father’s, and he controlled every aspect of the home. He chose the furniture, curtains, and wall colors. My mother didn’t even pick out her own towels or church clothes. Watching her struggle at this vulnerable time made me realize how important it is for a woman to have a personal sanctuary.
Having a personal space to call your own is vital for a woman’s well-being and personal growth. As I learned from my mother’s experience, not having a space of one’s own can be emotionally and spiritually stifling.
In my book Women, Rice, and Beans, I share the wisdom that every woman needs a space of her own. As I wrote in my book, a woman’s personal space allows her to “pray, laugh, cry, meditate, retreat, sleep, orgasm, read, cook, decorate, mature, and inebriate with their own energy.” It’s a place to nurture the self.
Historical figures like Eleanor Roosevelt and Louisa May Alcott recognized this need and created rooms of their own. Eleanor established her Val-Kill cottage after wanting her own space for 42 years while living with her mother-in-law. Louisa wrote on a small wooden desk built by her father. You don’t need an entire house, just a small corner. Also, Virginia Woolf wrote an essay about having an area that I call: The sacred space.
Finding and creating your own space is a three-step process:
Step One: Find it. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed and connect with your intuition. Breathe deeply and set the intention to locate your sacred space. I recommend saying out loud, "Today, I ask the spirits of light to help me locate my sacred space." Trust is the first place that comes to mind. Don't second-guess yourself. A room, a corner, or even a chair will come to mind to become your own space.
Step Two: Clear it. Clean and declutter the space thoroughly. Move furniture and wipe down walls and windows. Find new homes for clutter or get rid of unneeded items. Consider painting it an uplifting color like pink for love, blue for peace, or purple for spirituality. Add a personal touch like new bedding, throw, or pillows. Clear the energy by walking clockwise around the perimeter, waving lit white sage, or ringing a bell while stating your intention to clear the space. Visualize old energy leaving.
Step 3: Bless it. Sit comfortably in the space. Burn more sage or incense. Breathe deeply and declare your intention for the space out loud with passion. For example, "This is a sacred space for ease, flow, abundance, prosperity, and love." Feel the energy shift. Remain as long as you like.
Visit your space often for quiet time. Keep it free of clutter. Allow only those you invite to enter. If your sacred space is your bedroom, begin slowly removing objects that represent a past relationship, sad memories, or lack of abundance. Add flowers and beautiful objects that inspire you, and open the windows often.
Having a room of one’s own provides solace from the demands of work, family, and the world. It’s a place to reflect, dream, and reconnect with your spirit. I learned from my mother’s struggle that creating such a sanctuary is vital to a woman’s well-being. Follow the three simple steps to claim your own space today.
I hope these insights from my book inspire you to create a nurturing space of your own. A small corner can become a profound place of comfort, revelation, and personal growth. Trust your intuition to find it, clear it, and bless it. May your new sacred space bring you joy, abundance, and love.
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