I remember it like it was yesterday. The clock on the wall showed 5:35 PM, and I was frantically trying to finish “just one more thing” before dashing out to catch the 6:19 pm train from Grand Central Station. It was a familiar scene – one that had played out countless times before. But this time was different.
As I rushed to wrap up, a wave of dizziness washed over me. I didn’t feel well. I felt weak and didn’t dare to get up. As I realized I might pass out right there at my desk I managed to call out to my co-worker, asking her to stay with me, just in case.
That evening, instead of my usual brisk walk to Grand Central station, my colleague gently walked me there. I missed my usual train and found myself on 8:09PM local train to Rye, tears streaming down my face as the gravity of the situation hit me. My children were at home, likely asleep, and my sitter had to leave at 8 PM. They were alone, and I was on a slow train home, barely able to stand.
This was my wake-up call. A stark reminder that something had to change. For all the women out there pushing themselves to the brink, here are seven crucial truths I learned as I found my way to wellness:
1. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
That day, my body forcefully reminded me that self-care isn’t optional. It’s not a luxury or an indulgence – it’s a necessity. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s the foundation that allows you to care for others and perform at your best.
2. Boundaries Are Essential
I had let work seep into every aspect of my life, blurring the lines between professional and personal time. Setting and maintaining clear boundaries isn’t just about work-life balance – it’s about preserving your sanity and your relationships.
3. Perfectionism Has Diminishing Returns
My need to complete “just one more thing” nearly cost me my health. Striving for excellence is admirable, but perfectionism can be dangerous. Sometimes, good enough really is good enough.
4. Success Isn’t Just About Work
As I sat on that train, sobbing, I realized that all my professional achievements meant little if I wasn’t there for my children. Success encompasses so much more than work – it’s about the richness of our relationships and the fulfillment we find in all aspects of life.
5. Rest Enhances Productivity
I had been operating under the misguided belief that more hours meant more productivity. That night taught me that rest isn’t the enemy of productivity – it’s its ally. A well-rested mind is more efficient, creative, and resilient.
6. Delegation Is a Strength, Not a Weakness
How many tasks could I have delegated that day? How many emails could have waited until morning? Learning to delegate and prioritize is not a sign of weakness – it’s a crucial leadership skill.
7. Your Health Is Your Wealth
In my rush to climb the corporate ladder, I had neglected the most important asset I had – my health. No promotion or project is worth sacrificing your wellbeing.
That evening on the local train to Rye was the beginning of a turning point for me. It forced me to reevaluate my priorities and make significant changes in how I approached work and life. Mostly, I had to understand how I got there.
To all the women out there pushing themselves to the limit – I see you. I’ve been you. And I’m here to tell you that there’s a better way. It’s not easy to change ingrained habits and mindsets, but it’s necessary. Start small – leave work on time one day a week, schedule regular breaks, learn to say no.
Remember, you’re not just a worker – you’re a whole person with dreams, relationships, and a life outside the office. Honor that wholeness. Your future self, and those who love you, will thank you for it. The next time you find yourself staying late at the office or skipping lunch to finish a project, pause and ask yourself: Is this truly necessary? What am I sacrificing for this extra hour of work?
Your worth isn’t measured by how many hours you put in or how exhausted you are at the end of the day. It’s measured by the fullness of your life, the strength of your relationships, and the peace you feel when you lay your head down at night. Let’s redefine success together – not as a race to the top, but as a journey towards a balanced, fulfilling life. After all, isn’t that what we’re really working for?
If you need help, start with my book “Self-Trust: A Healing Practice for Women Who Do Too Much.”
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